Good Drinks for Bad Guys
Put that Appletini away goody two shoes! We don’t have time for the sort of wuss’s that drink flavoured cocktails. We’re too busy worrying about stuff like world domination, or slowly luring people into a great sense of danger (**evil laugh**).
Yep, it’s that time of the year when it becomes perfectly acceptable to give a little love to those misunderstood and under-appreciated fellows that lost their way in life – the villains.
Sure, they may have killed a few hundred… thousand… million people. Sure, they may have lost their minds and become an axe-wielding maniac! Or, separated their soul into several pieces in order to remain immortal.
But they have some good taste when it comes to drinking.
So, from the devious to the crazy and from the factual to the fictional, we are going to explore our favourite villains throughout history and their top tipple to sip while they stroked their cat snowball and laughed maniacally towards the ceiling.
Anne Bonny - Red Bonny Dark Rum
Anne Bonny’s life was nothing short of amazing. Becoming one of the most feared pirates in the world is a tall order, but doing it as a woman in the early 1700s is pretty damn impressive, Black Beard eat your heart out!
Anne was certainly a villainous pirate, having stabbed a servant girl, eloped whilst still married to someone else, allegedly set fire to her father's plantation and escaped death by hanging. And as a villainous pirate you can bet your bottom booty that she loved her drink. Especially that quintessential pirate tipple, rum!
This is why we are certain that she would have been ecstatic to find out that the good folks at the world-renowned Diamond Distillery in Guyana made their very own Anne Bonny inspired dark rum, aptly named ‘Red Bonny Dark Rum’. Although we are sure that Anne would have probably drunk any booze under the sun, we think this would have been her favourite.
Jack Torrance - Jack Daniels
Jack Torrance is a shining example of how even the most crazy homicidal maniacs can understand, that when it comes to choosing a drink, a whisky on the rocks is always a good choice.
In Jack’s case, it may have just been the figment of his imagination, in what can only be described as a paranormally schizophrenic episode. But we still have to give props to JT for keeping it original with a JD. Besides, we can’t blame Jack for needing a stiff one. After all, he did have an axe to grind with his wife.
Fidel Castro - Chivas Regal
It wasn't that long ago when Fidel Castro was viewed in much the same way as any other villainous communist leader. But with an estimated 638 survived assassination attempts by the CIA and one of the coolest Cuban cigar toting looks going around, you can't argue that Fidel Castro isn't one of the coolest villains around.
This is exactly why we weren’t surprised to learn that his drink of choice was the ever-cool Chivas Regal; a bold, smooth and easy-drinking whisky that screams class. Besides, after a hard day of revolution, is there really any other choice?
Burton Mercer - Orange Whip
Ok, so being a parole officer for a convicted armed robber may seem like the exact opposite of a villain, and it probably is. But in our eyes, anyone who tries to interfere with a “mission from god” has to be a villain! (Ok so sue us, we like the blues brothers!)
But we can’t hate on Burton too much as he did unwittingly revive the ‘Orange Whip’ cocktail in a supposedly throwaway scene. Perhaps it was John Candy’s impeccable delivery? Or maybe it was because it had everyone asking ‘what the hell is an Orange Whip anyway?!’ Well, don't worry, all you need is 4 ounces of orange juice, 1 ounce of rum, 1 ounce of vodka and a package of cream (tasty!). Just don't forget to ask your friends if they want one...
Voldemort - Unicorn Blood
Vindictive, homicidal... two-faced! Voldemort is the epitome of evil and undoubtedly one of the most iconic villains of the past decade. But of course, in a world of witch craft and wizardry it is unsurprising that these immortal sorcerers don’t really have the same taste in drinks as us muggles.
Instead of Voldemort taking the more traditional approach to villainy, with drinks like whisky or wine, he prefers to gorge himself on the blood of mythical stallions… unicorn blood. If you fancy drinking like Voldemort (albeit it in a more mortal realm) here’s a great recipe for a unicorn blood cocktail that is sure to be a hit at any Potter Party:
Add all the ingredients to a cocktail shaker with ice and shake (hard!) for 20 seconds, then serve in a coupe glass.
Hannibal Lecter - Chianti
Speaking of iconic movie villains, it just doesn't seem right to mix something as tasteful as premium alcohol and evil as villainy without mentioning the great Hannibal Lecter.
Brought to life by Anthony Hopkins in the 1991 cult classic 'Silence of the Lambs', Hannibal Lecter is guaranteed to make your skin crawl. But even with his terrifying mix of homicidal psychopathy and serene calmness, the man has taste! (ok, maybe not when that taste is human flesh...)
We particularly enjoyed his choice of a "a nice glass of chianti", we just didn't agree so much with pairing it with human liver... maybe we'll try it with lamb first, Hannibal.
Joseph Stalin - Vodka
Joseph Stalin did not differ from a lot of Russians in his love for vodka. However, he did supposedly have an almost unnatural tolerance to it. Legend has it that Stalin was given a vodka-drenched rag as a baby to dull teething pains which made his body extremely tolerant to the alcohol.
Ever calculating, he was known to get his Kremlin ministers falling down drunk and then use the information gained against them. Though this led some to believe that he would secretly have his own vodkas changed with water so that he could stay ahead (or at least on his feet). But there is some truth to his supposed vodka-drinking abilities; at the 1943 Tehran conference Stalin went glass-to-glass with Churchill and lived to tell the tale (although we're sure his memory was far too hazy to really know what happened...)
Dr. No - Martini (Shaken, not stirred)
When we hear the word villain I am sure that most of us will picture a man like Dr. No.
An evil genius with an air of class around him, stroking a cat on a spinning chair and telling people that he's been expecting them. With so many re-imaginations and parodies of this villain, we seem to know all about Dr. No, which is somewhat a shame as he has lost some of his gravitas.
But one thing that not many people know about Dr No (OK that's getting annoying) is that he was the first person in all the James Bond movie franchise to say that key phrase 'martini, shaken not stirred'.
In the film adaptations of Fleming's novels, the phrase is first uttered by the villain, Dr. Julius No, when he offers the drink in Dr. No (1962), and it is not uttered by Bond himself (played by Sean Connery) until Goldfinger (1964). So we can all say thank you to Dr. No for one of the coolest quotes (and drinks) in movie history.
Follow Dr. No's footsteps by following this recipe. Just remember - shaken, not stirred.
Combine vodka and dry vermouth in a cocktail shaker. Fill with ice and shake until chilled. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with three olives on a toothpick.
The Headless Horseman - Crystal Head Vodka
Although derived from an old Celtic legend, the Headless Horseman is the villain of a little town called Sleepy Hollow. Traditional folklore holds that the Horseman was a artilleryman who was decapitated by an American cannonball, and the shattered remains of his head were left on the battlefield while his comrades hastily carried his body away. Eurgh.
Eventually they buried him in the cemetery of Sleepy Hollow, from which each Halloween night he rises as a malevolent ghost, furiously seeking his lost head...
Now we understand that Mr. Horseman probably can't appreciate his drinks like he used to. However, we think that he would appreciate the quality and appearance of a bottle of Crystal Head Vodka (or at least the feel). Of course, nothing can replace your missing decapitated head... but a beautiful skull full of high quality vodka comes pretty close, right? (Beats carrying a pumpkin around with you anyway!).
So, this Halloween and pay homage to the people that dared to defy convention. Just remember to drink responsibly and not forget when to say (Dr.) no.